AlwaysDaydream
Tagged Monday Morning
1 Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
I prefer closed, but the rental I am temporarily in is ghetto and one is stuck open
2 Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
yup, I don't use them, it just reminds my of my Grandpa that used to take EVERYTHING you could take from Hotels
I usually donate them to shelters after I have stocked them up3 Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
4 Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
No... Why is this a thing?
5 Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?
Swarm, my chances of survival are much better
6 Do you have freckles? Birthmarks?
Yeah, My family is Portuguese and we tend to have quite pronounced beauty marks
7 Do you always smile for pictures?
I try too... or if the photographer is not paying attention, I make goofy faces
8 Do you like taking selfies?
only for my art, and they are more Self Portraits than "selfies" because they are thought out and not spontaneous and I am using myself because I am the most ready model I have
no, but I aim for crunchy leaves and say rhymes in my head if I am going down stairs
10 What is your Song of the week?
Love me some Passenger but her cover is AMAZING <3
11 What do you drink with dinner?
Tea or water
12 What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Father of the Bride (both parts) Shakespeare in love, Man in the Iron Mask, Ever After, Basically anything Mid-evil or Victorian
13 Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
No Public Stripping and Essence of Nude only... Not a Prude, just an artist
Yeah, and my breaks, filters, spark plugs, fuses, fuel filter, battery, and the air freshener!
15 Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
Yup 75 in a 55 in the middle of the desert
16 Favorite kind of sandwich?
Just discovered PB and Pickle, YUM! Also love Chicken salad!
17 Best thing to eat for breakfast?
Breakfast Burrito
18. What is your Chinese astrological sign?
Horse, Neigh I say More?
19 How many languages can you speak?
English ASL Spanish Jibberish and Toddler
20 Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?
Teacher, Vet, Belly Dancer
21 Do you believe in ghosts? Spirits?
Yup! Have had many experiences. But I only fear the living
22 Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?
sometimes but they are SO intense
23 Take a vitamin daily?
Prenatal for my postnatal body
24 Ever take dance lessons?
No, but I LOVE dancing!
25 Regularly burn incense? Candles?
Im a diffuser kind of girl!
Hot tea or cold tea?
I prefer iced sweet!
Have you ever skipped class?
Yep. and no one ever cared lol
Invisibility or ability to fly?
Flying Id go EVERYWHERE
Cookies or Cake?
Yes please
Coke or Sprite?
Coke, although I prefer Tea
Tea or coffee?
Tea. NOT a coffee fan
Tagging people:
No thanks
3,650 Days
Above is all I had the gall to post, but there is so much more I wanted to say. I wanted to tell his parents that I haven't forgotten. I want them to know that not a single day has passed where I have loved him less. I want them to know that now that I have my own children I have a better understanding of their side of the loss. In the end he became distant, rebellious, and a swing of emotions. That is not what sticks with them. His mother remembers late night feeding and sweet infant coos. The steep learning curve that comes with nurturing your first born. His father remembers the first time his son said he wanted to be just like him. He remembers the the pride in his son with each reached milestone. They both remember his sweet, adventurous and kind heart that I can only imagine he had since birth.
While I am here missing my soul mate, my boyfriend, my best friend, my other half, my everything. They are missing their baby, their super hero, their first born, their child, their heart, their laughter, their strength, their everything.
If you are not a parent I can tell you that it is the best sort of exhaustion to love a child so completely. You are responsible for everything about them, you want to make sure they are healthy, and safe, and happy, and spiritually sound, and it takes so much out of you. I understand their loss.
Their marriage is something I have admired since I met them. They are different but a perfect match. His mother is a nurturing soul, His father protective. They are both hard workers, diligent in their faith, and completely devoted to the life they created together. It is because of this I hope that someday they understand my loss as well.
He had come along in the midst of my despair. I showed him silly things like performance arts, stars, and denim. He showed me to let go, not to settle, and my self-worth. Together we were working on our faith. We were sharing our lives and had never had any sort intention to change that. At 16 and 17 we had found early on what so many spend a lifetime looking for. We were preparing for the long haul. Working out collegiate details, planning for forever.
He was happy and in the mind of a 17 year old, that meant anti-depressants were no longer necessary. His parents had raised a responsible, smart, and independent young man. His girlfriend saw the happy, vibrant, and vivacious love she was accustomed to. Neither party had any reason to suspect that he had cold-turkey stopped taking his anti-depressants. *1
The bottom line is we both lost everything that day. Different sides of the same Everything.
I am sorry I ever stepped back but what was I supposed to do? Everyone blamed me and I never understood why. Time, People, Pain, and distance has skewed so much perception. But as I sit here reminiscing, watching my daughter color and feeling my son kick inside I cannot help but pray for his parents' comfort, peace, and someday, reconciliation.
*1
Abstract
Despite being a first-line treatment for adolescent depression and anxiety, antidepressant drugs appear to have questionable efficacy and carry an increased risk of adverse effects in this population. The neural mechanisms underlying this phenomenon are currently unknown. Recent research into the neural effects of alcohol and recreational drugs suggests that the developmental trajectory of the adolescent brain may be particularly vulnerable to pharmacological disturbance. It is therefore important to consider whether prescription psychotropic drugs may have analogous effects."
3,650 days
Above is all I had the gall to post, but there is so much more I wanted to say. I wanted to tell his parents that I haven't forgotten. I want them to know that not a single day has passed where I have loved him less. I want them to know that now that I have my own children I have a better understanding of their side of the loss. In the end he became distant, rebellious, and a swing of emotions. That is not what sticks with them. His mother remembers late night feeding and sweet infant coos. The steep learning curve that comes with nurturing your first born. His father remembers the first time his son said he wanted to be just like him. He remembers the the pride in his son with each reached milestone. They both remember his sweet, adventurous and kind heart that I can only imagine he had since birth.
While I am here missing my soul mate, my boyfriend, my best friend, my other half, my everything. They are missing their baby, their super hero, their first born, their child, their heart, their laughter, their strength, their everything.
If you are not a parent I can tell you that it is the best sort of exhaustion to love a child so completely. You are responsible for everything about them, you want to make sure they are healthy, and safe, and happy, and spiritually sound, and it takes so much out of you. I understand their loss.
Their marriage is something I have admired since I met them. They are different but a perfect match. His mother is a nurturing soul, His father protective. They are both hard workers, diligent in their faith, and completely devoted to the life they created together. It is because of this I hope that someday they understand my loss as well.
He had come along in the midst of my despair. I showed him silly things like performance arts, stars, and denim. He showed me to let go, not to settle, and my self-worth. Together we were working on our faith. We were sharing our lives and had never had any sort intention to change that. At 16 and 17 we had found early on what so many spend a lifetime looking for. We were preparing for the long haul. Working out collegiate details, planning for forever.
He was happy and in the mind of a 17 year old, that meant anti-depressants were no longer necessary. His parents had raised a responsible, smart, and independent young man. His girlfriend saw the happy, vibrant, and vivacious love she was accustomed to. Neither party had any reason to suspect that he had cold-turkey stopped taking his anti-depressants. *1
The bottom line is we both lost everything that day. Different sides of the same Everything.
I am sorry I ever stepped back but what was I supposed to do? Everyone blamed me and I never understood why. Time, People, Pain, and distance has skewed so much perception. But as I sit here reminiscing, watching my daughter color and feeling my son kick inside I cannot help but pray for comfort, and someday, reconciliation.
*1
Abstract
Despite being a first-line treatment for adolescent depression and anxiety, antidepressant drugs appear to have questionable efficacy and carry an increased risk of adverse effects in this population. The neural mechanisms underlying this phenomenon are currently unknown. Recent research into the neural effects of alcohol and recreational drugs suggests that the developmental trajectory of the adolescent brain may be particularly vulnerable to pharmacological disturbance. It is therefore important to consider whether prescription psychotropic drugs may have analogous effects."
50 things
~ 50 Secrets About Yourself Meme ~
Be HONEST no matter what.
(stolen From SenoritaBlack )
1. What is your natural hair color?
dirty blonde, but it lightens a ton naturally
2. Where was your ID pic taken?
Somewhere in my house I am sure
3. What's your middle name?
Marie
4. Your current relationship status?
Not available for public knowledge on DA...
5. Honestly, does your crush like you back?
They just might
6. What is your current mood?
Tired and Hungry
7. What's the color of your underwear?
I have many colors, none of which I am wearing :/
8. What is one thing that makes you happy?
Chocolate, want some now!
9. Who was the last person you cuddled with?
Ma baby<3
10. If you could go back in time, and change something what would it be?
I am happy where I am now, and changing something in the past would cause a butterfly effect, so perhaps I would steal one more kiss from someone 
11. If you MUST be an animal for ONE day?
Sky Bison
12. Ever had a near death experience?
Yup
13. Something you do a lot?
Daydream (surprise)
14. What's the name of the song stuck in your head right now?
whoa! I actually don't have one right now... weeeiiiird
15. Who did you copy and paste this from?
SenoritaBlack , that sexy beast <3
16. Name someone with the same b-day as you?
apparently Anna Kendrick and Whitney Houston
17. When was the last time you cried?
I am pregnant, so probably this morning when I realized I was out of chocolate
18. Have you ever sang in front of a large audience?
Yeah I was in choir
19. If you could have one super power what would it be?
I would want the power of language. To fluently speak, write , and understand EVERY form of language.
20. What's the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?
There are a ton of determining factors to this, I usually notice a different trait before I notice gender
21. What's your biggest secret?
I don't know that I have one.
22. What's your favorite colour?
Purple
23. When was the last time you lied?
I don't know, I don't make it a habit :/
24. Do you still watch kiddy movies or TV shows?
I have a toddler, so yes
25. What are you eating or drinking at the moment?
nothing, but when I finish this, I intend on raping the kitchen... hard
26. What's your favourite smell?
My Grandma's house... smells like lavander
27. If you could describe life in one word what would it be?
perspective
28. When was the last time you gave/received a hug?
Ten minutes ago
29. Have you ever been kissed in the rain?
Its my favorite!
30. What are you thinking about right now?
Food
31. What should you be doing?
eating
32. What was the last thing that made you upset?
The fracking insurance company
33. Do you like working in the yard?
I live in the desert, so no
34. If you could have any last name in the world, what would you want?
Yours. LOL, no...I kind of like Black. I mean, I should. So...I'll keep it.
35. Name 5 things in your closet:
I just moved, so hangers, a box, a ball and stuffed fox
36. Do you act different around your crush?
No
37. When was the last time you slept with a stuffed animal?
more often than I realize because my kid hides them in my bedding from time to time.
38. How many times do you take a shower a week?
Is this a serious question?
39. Do you brush your teeth everyday?
Yes! Now if they would just make a toothpaste that tastes good....
40. Have you ever said something stupid in front of your crush?
I don;t hide my blonde-ness very well.
41. Have you ever watched a hockey game?
Ya, I am a Red Wings fan
42. Do you lie about your age?
No.
43. Ever been jealous about something stupid?
I'm sure I a have
44. Do you pick your nose?
No, I don't think I need plastic surgery
45. What's the one food you hate?
Any sort of animal Organ meat. Ugh no thanks
46. What's the one junk food you cant live without?
Pasta, all day, no shame
47. How old were you when you found out Santa was fake?
Well that just dampened my day 
48. Have you ever blown your nose and looked inside the napkin?
Only when I am sick
49. Describe your favorite underwear you have.
They are boy shorts made out of space fabric, because then I can say " my butt is out of this world"
50. Did you lie in any of these questions?
No, wasn't that the point?
